Nissan Xterra best craigslist ad!!

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-manu-

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OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.
:bigup:

Add got removed but was here
http://go.fark.com/cgi/fark/go.pl?i=4045019&l=http://montana.craigslist.org/cto/926508578.html
 
not bad but the prelude one was better

EDIT: for those of you who didnt see it

MANLIEST CAR ON EARTH!!! Just (over) ONE GRAND!!! - $1200 (Charlotte)

This is it... The car all you manly men have been waiting for. Now you can show the world that you are pure Y chromosome, all alpha-dog. "And just what makes this the most manly car on Earth?", you might ask... Hold on tight, and try to refrain from dialing until you read about ALL this car has to offer.
First, we start with an '87 Honda Prelude. Hondas are Japanese, which means they come from Japan... the land of Ninjas and Samurais. VERY manly. Furthermore, the word Prelude itself means "a taste of things to come..." Mysterious almost, eh? James Bond-like even. Plus, in '87 Reagan was President, and he put the Russians in their place. The Russians! Very manly. OK, now for the features and modifications...
This car is CARBURATED! Carburators are cool. When a guy tells a chick he's "rebuilding a carburator", she melts. And, in a time when everyone seems to be "counting carbs", this baby has TWO! That's right, DAUL carbs! And dual sounds like 'duel', which is a fight with guns or swords (or herring, or logs, or something of the sort). Women don't fight with guns and swords... MEN do. Touche.
Now for the modification list;
1.) No speedometer. You march to the beat of your own drum. You don't need some slab of aluminum on a post and painted with numbers to tell YOU how fast (or slow) you should be going. You get there when you get there, at your own pace. This is YOUR world, and speed-limit sign makers and cops with radar guns only LIVE in it, and only because YOU say they can. (Note: this listing does not advocate the termination of speed-limit sign makers or cops with radar guns. It merely intends to expresses the sentiment that YOU are the man. Duh.)
2.) AC doesn't work... That's what windows are for. They roll down. MEN know that. We're not worried about our hair getting all messed up! We're not worried about being able to hear Celine Dion's high notes over the wind noise! NO! We're rocking out to Metallica or AC/DC, cranked full blast! Right?!?
3.) Driver's side door handle broke. I believe it was mauled by a bear. I removed it completely, and now have to rely upon my manly knowledge of mechanics to push/pull the proper combination of linkage within the door to get it to open. I'm told that it can be "fixed" for about 35 bucks, but I rather enjoy knowing that no one is able to steal my high-dollar Pioneer AM/FM cassette player with the detachable face.
4.) Windshield wiper stalk sheared off at column for that stealthy, clean look. Lets your passengers know that you are a man with just one thing on your mind... driving. You don't need the clutter of "options" to get from point A to point B. And if it rains? You simply insert the stalk into its original position and turn on the wipers. Piece of cake!
5.) This car has POWER EVERYTHING... except seats, windows, and door locks. That's right, the sunroof and steering are all power. REAL men can turn a crank to put down a window. Add a 20 lb. weight to the crank handle for an on-the-go bicep workout!
The car is a 5-speed manual transmission (also very manly). It also currently has a full tank of gas, making the book value somewhere in the high $20,000 range. $42 worth of gas lasts me about two weeks with everyday driving to manly places, thus saving me tons of money for other manly things, such as tattoos, power tools, and things used for hitting other things with. I would love to keep this manly machine, but I have a manly child on the way and need to get something with a back seat that you could actually fit a car seat in without having to use a two-by four and a hydraulic ram. SO, if you are an everyday guy who would like to reinforce his manliness, or a member of the College Chess Club who is tired of getting his butt whooped by guys driving manly cars, give me a call. This puppy can be all yours for just $1,200 (firm... and I'd be just breaking even!) 704-890-9859, Leave Message Please! Have a manly day.

http://charlotte.craigslist.org/cto/858307582.html
 
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i wanna seethe prelude one
but this one was tooo sickk

"This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan"
hahaha
 
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