A Yank's diary in Dubai (funny)

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!Xobile

!Xobile

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Just in case you maybe thinking of moving to Dubai... This one is good


April 31st:
Just got transferred to work and live in beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and
warm balmy evenings. It's like New York City minus all the crocks,
murderers, and drunks. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck
chair on my beautiful bedroom verandah. It was beautiful. I've finally
found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an
air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, and everything is
fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like
this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today around the our
lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more
mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. Heat is
no problem at all.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week even during the night. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of
windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I
expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 90% of my body.
Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in this lovely city. I
learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.

July 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left to the office
this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break, Kitty
had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the
$60,000 Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like
Wiskettes and cat sh*t. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this
heat.

July 25th:
The wind s*cks. It feels like a giant f*cking hair dryer in here!! And
it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner died. The f*cking AC
repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over and tell me it was
broken in f*cking Hindu English or something that I couldn't understand.


July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3
nights now because it is 7000 f*cking degrees inside. Bloody 2,000,000
Dirhams house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
F*ck the sun. F*ck the wind. F*ck the freakin' ocean. And f*cking
locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths followed by little black
ninjas. F*cking crazy town.

August 4th:
It's 46 ****ing degrees today. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner
fixed. It cost 2,000 ****ing Dirhams and got the temperature down to 25,
but the f*cking humidity makes the house feel 30 f*cking Dubai degrees.
Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid f*cking place.

August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going
to f*cking whack him all the way back to his Goddamn desert. F*cking
Dubai; by the time I get to work with all that f*cking traffic and heat,
the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I
smell like a baked cat!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is f*cking Friday. Wore
shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my Audi. The seat was so
f*cking hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and
all the hair on the back of my legs and my f*cking ass. Now my car
smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a f*cking recording. Hot, humid and
f*cking sunny. Hot, humid and ****ing sunny. Hot, humid and f*cking
sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the
weatherman dude wearing the ****ing white tablecloth on TV says it might
really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this damn f*cking place?
What is next, a f*cking hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 50 today. Now the
air-conditioner's gone in my f*cking Audi. The f*cking Audi serviceman
said, 'Hot enough for you today?' F*ck him and f*ck Audi. My wife had
to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for assaulting that
stupid f*cking Paki bastard wiseass. F*ck Dubai ! What kind of a sick
demented f*cking idiot would want to live in this shit hole?

August 15th:
F*ck this place. I'm off back to New York.

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
 
hahaha! so true, i've been to Dubai twice.

First time for the first week of august and at 3 in the morning i couldnt sleep because it was 40 fu*kin degrees and the AC was broken.

SEcond time in December, about 35 during the day but man it was nice with the AC in the room!

I love that place and would live there in a heartbeat.. only if i had lots of money.
 
Dubai is a huge Disney Land. I mean sure the skyscrapers are fun to look at... for a day. Then what??? Traffic is huge, it's hot and everything is like a movie set. So ok, they built the world's largest indoor ski slope... So what??? I am an hour drive away from the freaking Alps!!!
Ok, so they have some ok clubs... I am an hour flight away from Ibiza and REALLY amazing clubs, not full of Saudi sheiks in table cloths and Romanian hookers. So they build replicas of ALL European sights, Eifel Tower, Big Ben... It costs me 100$ to see the REAL ones. And I don't have to watch what I say and how I dress. I really don't understand all this Dubai hype, I mean I understand why the Arabs are proud of it, since it's one of the very few things to discuss about their countries that doesn't involve KABOOM, KABLAMO or OSSAMA. But really, it's an artificial city designed by Europeans, built by Indian slaves, and serviced by Fillipinos and financed with ill gotten oil money. A city with a serious penile inferiority complex. I went to Florence recently, it doesn't have 200 floor skyscrapers or the world largest Maybach dealer... Guess which city is a World Heritage Sight and something people will visit 500 years from now and which will be just skyscraper skeletons half buried under sand dunes????
 
RussianM3_dude said:
Dubai is a huge Disney Land. I mean sure the skyscrapers are fun to look at... for a day. Then what??? Traffic is huge, it's hot and everything is like a movie set. So ok, they built the world's largest indoor ski slope... So what??? I am an hour drive away from the freaking Alps!!!
Ok, so they have some ok clubs... I am an hour flight away from Ibiza and REALLY amazing clubs, not full of Saudi sheiks in table cloths and Romanian hookers. So they build replicas of ALL European sights, Eifel Tower, Big Ben... It costs me 100$ to see the REAL ones. And I don't have to watch what I say and how I dress. I really don't understand all this Dubai hype, I mean I understand why the Arabs are proud of it, since it's one of the very few things to discuss about their countries that doesn't involve KABOOM, KABLAMO or OSSAMA. But really, it's an artificial city designed by Europeans, built by Indian slaves, and serviced by Fillipinos and financed with ill gotten oil money. A city with a serious penile inferiority complex. I went to Florence recently, it doesn't have 200 floor skyscrapers or the world largest Maybach dealer... Guess which city is a World Heritage Sight and something people will visit 500 years from now and which will be just skyscraper skeletons half buried under sand dunes????
Click to expand...

You have never been to Dubai or Saudi Arabia, haven't you ???

Traffic is not worse than any other big city like New York, L.A. or even MTL for that matter. Decarie can be a f*cking pain sometimes...

Yes it's hot but, movie sets ?? :dunno:

The largest indoor sky slope is just to get more tourism to the city and I don't really see whats bad about it. You got the Alps, I got the desert, to each his own.

Clubbing does have it's share of hookers, but nothing different than the skanky ass bitches in MTL on Crescent street. Ibiza is cool and all, but paying a plane ticket + hotel just to go clubbing, mehh, no thanks ! Dubai is more liberal than any city in the Middle east. Saudi Arabia is by far one of the most conservative places on earth. So seeing Sheikhs of Saudi, in clubs dressed in a dishdash is something you will never see. The muslim religion bans drinking alcohol anyway. Of course some still go out and drink but they will never wear the dishdash and they will leave you alone.

I have been here for 3 months and I don't know about building replicas of the eiffel tower and big ben. I think the Burj Al Arab and Burj Dubai are unique enough.

The only place you need to watch how you dress is if you go in a mosque, besides that it's all good. Yes you do need to watch out not to swear at local people because they get really offended. Even flipping the finger, but you get used to it. oh, and I swear in french so they don't understand me anyway...

Yes Dubai is overrated and overhyped, but it's still a fun place to be and I like it.

I don't understand all the hatred, I mean Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nayan build the UAE to what it is today to insure the survival of it's people. He knew the oil was going to run out soon enough and wanted his country to survive the drought. Because of what he, Sheikh Kalifa bin Zayed Al Nayan (his son) and Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum did, only 6% of the GPD comes from oil, the rest is from trading and tourism. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Dubai is nowhere near a perfect place to be. It's not better than anywhere else in the world, it's just different.
 
No hatred at all, I'd like to visit one day although I would probably would like to go to Casablanca first. I am just tired of all the constant hype. Dubai is just another Vegas. All glitz, no soul.

Yes they are building all these replicas in DubaiLand or something. I know Dubai is pretty liberal. However all I am saying is that if the ruler of Dubai wanted to help his people, there are a lot better ways then building 7 star hotels and gigantic shopping malls. Last time I checked, Switzerland had no skyscrapers, but one of the highest living standards in the world.
 
^yeah I know what you mean.. I can't help sometimes but feel that it could have been done differently.

Casablanca, that would be nice. I want to go to India, Cyprus and the Seychelles islands maybe a few other places here and there :)

Seychelles:
seychelles1.jpg


Oh! and Dubailand, for the moment is still a big pile of sand. lol
 
One problem I noticed, is the overabundance of very expensive resorts and hotels. There are just not that many ultra rich people to go around and the ultra rich might want to actually go to the real Alps and I doubt they will be enticed by huge shopping malls when they can go to Saville Row. Dubai with it's glitz that is impressive to simpletons is tailor made for package holidays and Easy Jet, yet it is priced for princes. There is a lot of flash, but little substance. Those glitzy hotels will need to be rebuild and maintained constantly and will be pricey to run. Also Dubai consumes an enormous amount of energy and water, two resources that are getting scarcer all the time. Their rising cost will price Dubai out of the market.

Dubai should have done what Norway does with their oil money... Store it for future generations. Instead of building another 150 floor phallus, the money could have been spent to guarantee every UAE citizen a university study abroad... or imroved health care or... whatever.
 
RussianM3_dude said:
One problem I noticed, is the overabundance of very expensive resorts and hotels. There are just not that many ultra rich people to go around and the ultra rich might want to actually go to the real Alps and I doubt they will be enticed by huge shopping malls when they can go to Saville Row. Dubai with it's glitz that is impressive to simpletons is tailor made for package holidays and Easy Jet, yet it is priced for princes. There is a lot of flash, but little substance. Those glitzy hotels will need to be rebuild and maintained constantly and will be pricey to run. Also Dubai consumes an enormous amount of energy and water, two resources that are getting scarcer all the time. Their rising cost will price Dubai out of the market.

Dubai should have done what Norway does with their oil money... Store it for future generations. Instead of building another 150 floor phallus, the money could have been spent to guarantee every UAE citizen a university study abroad... or imroved health care or... whatever.
Click to expand...


Totally agree with you. Even thought I doubled, if not tripled my salary here, I don't think I will be able to afford it for too long. The governement knows this and is know controlling every tenancy contract to make sure nothing goes over board in terms of prices. They claim they even want to bring it down but for this, all the property developments such as Dubai Marina, Dubailand, Dubai Sports city, etc, will need to be complete. There is just not enough housing for the people here.

They build cement structures, then put up walls with concrete blocks. In goes the wiring and plumbing. Add a couple of layers of paint, finish the exterior and voila. This is why it's build so fast, simplest construction ever. Everything is concrete and you can see they use cheap materials most of the time. I chipped a ceramic tile but dropping a beer bottle the other day from about 2 feet high... talk about cheap !

I won't lie, I'm here to make some $$$ I don't know how long I will stay here, but it will be long enough for me to make the most $$ possible. All that while enjoying the nice weather and my 5 weeks paid vacation per year :)
 
omg Traffic is a parking lot, a very loud one.. every idiot honks tehre.. you WILL get massive headaches from walking around.

its hot as fckin hell and if your a tourist, you wont get anywhere anytime soon...
 
This ones good also:

Living in Dubai is not wonderful and glamorous, as many would have you believe. Forget about what you’ve read, seen, and heard; those shiny buildings and manmade islands are all just smoke and mirrors. There are so many things wrong with this place that I have decided to compile a list, a must read if you are considering a potential move to Dubai.

1. There is no standard address system making mail-to-the door delivery impossible. In fact, it makes anything nearly impossible. The taxi driver, here for only two days, and having learned English from old Beatles albums has no clue where your house is. He won’t tell you that of course, he’ll just keep calling and saying, “Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.” When you purchase something that requires delivery they do not have an address line, but a box where you are expected to draw a map. Not able to draw a map? Explain like this: I live on the street after the airport road, but before the roundabout. Go past the mosque and make a U-turn.

2. The government blocks all web sites that it deems “offensive” to the “religious, moral, and cultural values” of the UAE. That’s hard to swallow for a freedom loving American, but I get it. I do not understand, however, why all VOIP access and related web sites are blocked. I guess the government also takes offense to people inexpensively contacting their families back home. You’re welcome to call using the analog service provided by the government-owned telephone monopoly, but it will cost you a whole lot more. So much so, in fact, your frequency of calls will be greatly diminished if you can afford them at all. The government says VOIP is blocked for security reasons, yet even the residents of communist China and North Korea have access to these inexpensive calls.

3. It is really hot outside. Not Florida in July hot; Hot as if you were locked in a car in Florida in July with sufficient humidity to make it feel as though you are drowning. Hot as in 120 degrees with nearly 100% humidity. Do not look to the wind for relief. This is the equivalent of pointing a hairdryer on full blast directly at your face. Pour fine moon dust-like sand over your head as you do this and you get the picture.

4. There are too few trees, plants, and grass – or living things aside from us crazy humans, for that matter. Ever see a bird pant? I have. In my opinion, human beings were not meant to live in such a place. If we were, there would be sufficient water and shade. The only greenery around are the roadside gardens planted by the government, who waters the hell out of them in the middle of the day. Thanks a lot! Didn’t you say we should cut down on our water consumption because you are unable to keep up with the demand? I have an idea: let’s all move someplace where it’s not 120 degrees outside.

5. This country prides itself so much on its glitz and glamour that it put a picture of its 7-star hotel on the license plate. Yet, the public toilets in the king-of-bling Gold Souk district are holes in the ground with no toilet paper or soap. Hoses to rinse your nether regions, however, are provided. This results in a mass of water on the floor that you must stand in to pee. Try squatting without touching anything and keeping your pants from touching anything either. Oh yeah. It’s 120 degrees in there too.

6. This country encourages businesses to hire people from other poor countries to come here and work. They have them sign contracts that are a decade long and then take their passports. Even though taking passports is supposedly illegal, the government knows it happens and does nothing to enforce the law. These poor people are promised a certain pay, but the companies neglect to tell them they will be deducting their cost of living from their paychecks, leaving them virtually penniless – that is, if they choose to pay them. Companies hold back paychecks for months at a time. When the workers strike as a result, they are jailed. Protesting is illegal, you see (apparently this law IS enforced).

These people will never make enough to buy a ticket home and even if they do, they do not have their passports. They live crammed in portables with tons of others, in highly unsanitary conditions. The kicker: they are building hotels that cost more to stay in for one night than they will make in an entire year. Things are so bad that a number of laborers are willing to throw themselves in front of cars because their death would bring their family affluence in the form of diya, blood money paid to the victim’s family as mandated by the government.

7. Things are not cheaper here. I’m sick of people saying that. I read the letters to the editor page of the paper and people say to those who complain about the cost of living rising here, “Well, it’s cheaper than your home country or you wouldn’t be here.” The only thing cheaper here is labor. Yes, you can have a maid – but a bag of washed lettuce will cost you almost $10.

8. There are traffic cameras everywhere. I consider this cheating. Where are the damn cops? I drove around this city for weeks before I ever even saw a cop. Trust me, they need traffic cops here. People drive like idiots. It’s perfectly okay to turn left from the far right lane, but speeding even just a couple of kilometers over will get you fined. These cameras are placed strategically as you come down hills, or just as the speed limit changes. Before you know it…BAM! Fined. Forget to pay the bill and your car will be impounded..

9. The clothing some of these women wear makes no sense to me. I understand that as part of your religion you are required to dress in a particular way, but a black robe over your jeans and turtleneck and cover your head when it is 120 degrees outside? In the gym some women wear five layers of clothing…sweatpants and t-****s over sweaters with headscarves. Yet the men’s clothing makes absolute sense: white, airy, and nothing underneath but their skivvies.

10. People stare at you. I am sick of being stared at. I’m stared at by men who have never seen a fair-skinned blue-eyed woman before, or who have and think we are all prostitutes so it’s okay to stare. They stare at me when I am fully covered or with my husband, and even follow me around. It’s beyond creepy and has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. The staring is not limited to men, either. I’m stared at angrily by female prostitutes who think I am running in on their territory by having a few drinks with my husband at the bar.
 
11. Prostitutes? Oh hell yes, there are prostitutes. Tons of them. So, let me get this straight, I can’t look at a naked picture of a person on the Internet in the privacy of my home, but it is okay to go out in public and buy a few for the night?

12. Alcohol can only be sold in hotels and a handful of private clubs. A person must own a liquor license to consume in the privacy of their own home. To obtain a liquor license you must get signed approval from your boss, prove a certain level of salary that determines how much you are allowed to buy, and then submit several mug shots (aka passport photos) for approval. Pay the fee and the additional 30% tax on every purchase and you may drink at home. Then again, you can just pick up a few bottles in the airport duty free on your way in to the country, but two is the max. Why not just drive out to Ajman where it’s a free-for-all and load up the SUV? It’s easy enough, but crossing the Emirates with alcohol is illegal – particularly in the dry emirate of Sharjah, which just happens to lie between Dubai and Ajman. Go figure.

13. Not only do you have to get your boss’s approval to obtain a liquor license, but you must also get the company’s approval to rent property, have a telephone, or get satellite TV.

14. Back to the craziness on the roads: If I see one more kid standing up and waving to me out the back window while flying down the road at 160 kph…whatever happened to seatbelts?

15. When is the weekend again? Let me get this straight: the weekend used to be Thursday and Friday, but no one took off all of Thursday, just a half day really. Now the government says Friday and Saturday are the weekend, but some people only take off Friday, others still take a half day on Thursday, but some might just take a half day on Saturday instead. Anyway you slice it, Sundays are workdays and little business can be accomplished Thursday through Saturday.

16. There are few satellite television operators:. The movie channels play movies that are old and outdated. Many of them went straight to video back in the States. Every sitcom that failed in the US has been purchased and is played here. Old episodes of Knight Rider are advertised like it is the coolest thing since sliced bread. The TV commercials are repeated so often that I am determined NOT to buy anything I see advertised on television here just for thee principle of it. When I say repeated often, I mean every commercial break - sometimes more than once.

17. The roads are horribly designed. Driving ten minutes out of the way to make a U-turn is not uncommon. People are not able to give directions most of the time (remember reason #1), and the maps are little help because most have few road names on them, if any. Where is interchange four? You just have to hope you got on the freeway in the right place and start counting because they are not numbered. Miss it and you’ll likely end up on the other side of town before you are able to turn around and go back.

18. Taxi drivers are dangerous and smell. Taxi drivers work very hard here to earn a living because travel by taxi is still relatively inexpensive, even though the cost of living is not (see reason #7). Because of this you may have a driver who has had little sleep or the opportunity to shower for several days. Many of these drivers have just as much difficulty finding their way around as you do, but add to this a third-world country driving style and extreme exhaustion and, well, remember to buckle up for safety.

19. Speeding is an Emirati sport and Emirates Road is just an extension of the Dubai Autodrome. I know I keep mentioning the roads, but really, much of this city’s issues are encompassed by the erratic and irrational behavior displayed on its streets. Visions of flashing lights on even flashier, limo-tinted SUVs haunt me as I merge on to the highway. Local nationals are somehow able to get the sun-protecting dark window tint denied to us lowly expats and use it to hide their faces as they tailgate you incessantly at unbelievably high speeds, their lights flickering on and off and horn blaring repeatedly. It doesn’t matter that you can’t get over, or if doing so would be particularly dangerous, they will run you off the road to get in front of you. Don’t even think about giving someone the finger; the offense could land you in jail. Tailgating is, unbelievably, legal.

20. Dubai is far from environmentally friendly. Ever wonder how much damage those manmade islands are doing to the delicate ocean ecosystem? Coral reefs, sea grasses, and oyster beds that were once part of protected marine lands lie choked under a barrage of dredged up sea sand. Consider the waste that occurs from erecting buildings on top of these sand monsters and from the people that occupy them coupled with the lack of an effective recycling program and you have an environmental disaster on your hands. Add to this more gas guzzling SUVs than fuel-efficient cars on the road and the need for 24-hour powerful air-conditioning and its evident that the environment is not high on the priority list of the UAE.

So while I’m sure there are benefits to living in Dubai, tax breaks, multi-cultural environments, and beautiful buildings aside, reconsider your plans to move here if any of the above mentioned reasons strikes a chord within you. Dubai is a city caught in an identity crisis. Struggling somewhere between its desire to be a playground for the rich and its adherence to traditional Islamic roots, rests a city that lacks sufficient infrastructure to support its delusions of grandeur. Visit if you must, but leave quickly before you are sucked into its calamitous void.
 
that article you just pasted here was written by a poor american hippy, most likely. she raised some valid points but most are BS.
 
wow so much hatred towards a country! guys they have a way different style of living than we do in canada/states. those people are bunch of racist jerks, taxes are UNBELIEVABLE. you think your taxed in QC, go live in Dubai for a change ;)! back to those racist jerks, they will treat you like dirt if you are pakistani/indian/sri lankan. they think they own you. i agree with the russiandude, dubai is nothing but a fantasyland... nothing real there. BUT the government is bringing change, they have invested in education for their people so they no longer have to import expertise.

the most ridiculous reason for NOT living in dubai, it's HOT?!!! lol, get over it.
 
aj4j said:
wow so much hatred towards a country! guys they have a way different style of living than we do in canada/states. those people are bunch of racist jerks, taxes are UNBELIEVABLE. you think your taxed in QC, go live in Dubai for a change ;)! back to those racist jerks, they will treat you like dirt if you are pakistani/indian/sri lankan. they think they own you. i agree with the russiandude, dubai is nothing but a fantasyland... nothing real there. BUT the government is bringing change, they have invested in education for their people so they no longer have to import expertise.

the most ridiculous reason for NOT living in dubai, it's HOT?!!! lol, get over it.
Click to expand...



from what ive been reading lately, there are no taxes...
 
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