The Flames are the least objectionable team in Canada for Leafs fans. No real rivalry, a bunch of mutual players we like, and their fanbase is the least obsessed with the Leafs.
As unobjectionable as the Flames are, Calgary and Calgarians are truly awful.
Here’s a harsh truth: once the United States decided to pursue energy independence, Alberta was in trouble. With the development of the Bakken fields and increased refinery capacity in the Permian Basin in the 21st century, Alberta oil was always going to face tough headwinds. There will likely be another oil boom, but long term, Alberta cannot keep squandering their oil revenue like they have literally every time there’s ever been an oil boom.
But will they learn? Will they even for a second wonder why it is that when there’s a petroleum bust Norway can fall back on their trillion-dollar sovereign wealth fund while Alberta goes from chest-beating about how rich they are to begging Ottawa for money within the space of a month? Of course not. They’re going to caravan in their stupid trucks to Ottawa – something people who are really up against it totally have time and resources to do – and parade around some guy who made $200,000 a year to be a chainhand as some Charles Dickens figure, all while casually promoting Q Anon conspiracies and racist dogwhistling. Like fuck people, I get that mountains of cocaine and multiple lifted F-150s are expensive, but maybe take responsibility for your own public finances?
Alberta isn’t in bad straits because Trudeau’s a meanie who won’t let them build pipelines. Alberta’s in bad straits because they’ve been able to pick money off the money tree every oil boom and every fucking time they piss it away ("Lord, please send me another oil boom and I promise I won’t piss it away") because they drank the Reagan Kool-Aid and think taxes are the devil. You shouldn’t have a situation where virtually everyone in your province is paid better to do their equivalent job in the rest of the country, housing is fairly cheap, there is no sales tax, and the second there’s an economic shock the government is broke and everyone is filing for bankruptcy. As much as Albertans like to wax conservatively about responsibility and accountability, they’re even more unaccountable as a province than Quebecers, who at least don’t buy into austerity in the first place. No reflection at all on why their economy is such a monoculture, no acknowledgement that Alberta will have to diversify eventually and probably collect taxes like a responsible jurisdiction, just the reeeeeee and hew of a bunch of people who think they’re entitled to make $120,000 right out of high school while paying negligible taxes on it.
Tired of it. Tired of a bunch of Tylers complaining about Ontario and Quebec ad nauseum while behaving exactly like Quebec when the chips are down but without even a unique culture or nation to justify it. Tired of a bunch of Jeffs and Dans showing up to their lawyer/accountant/dentist job in a ten gallon hat cosplaying as a frontiersman. Tired of the constant sense of grievance despite having by far the highest standard of living of any group of people in Canada 90% of the time – fucking Banff is in your backyard you asshole, drive your $100,000 truck you bought cash at 21 out to the mountains and chill the fuck out! Tired of all of this excess being converted into the blandest, most soul-crushing city in the country, a sprawling expanse of flat, featureless suburbs populated by peroxide blondes and Pilsner-swilling bros in their designer cowboy boots who are FUCKIN AMPED to go see Chudd Truckley at the Saddledome for the fifth time this year.
Calgary is Winnipeg but without the grit and character. It’s Canadian Dallas, which is just Dallas but even more boring and corporate.
I have no problem with the Flames, but I hope the Leafs crush them 13-0 every game if it serves to make Calgarians reflect on their sins and grow up. Your precious petrostate isn’t long for this world, Brayden from Fort Mac who is Actually from Whitby, and you’re not a cowboy, take that goofy shit off.
