Have I ruined my office chair?

So I’ve been with my office computer chair for 11 months. In early December of 2016, we first made contact at work and have been inseparable ever since. Monday to Friday, sometimes for up to 14 hours a day, we share the same surface area and wear the same bagel poppy seeds as we tackle the day-to-day flavors of the office environment. All the while, it’s been supportive and adjusts to my needs. But lately, I’ve been noticing a classic “It’s not you, it’s me” attitude. Before the day even begins, it radiates parts of exchanges we’ve had the day before that it simply won’t let go. It’s gotten bad, to the point where an entire weekend will go by, yet I feel the resentment in the air first thing Monday morning. These past few months just haven’t been the same. Many of my colleagues notice we haven’t been quite as close, and they don’t even want to get near us when we’re together.

I don’t want to part ways with this chair as I’m very much of a repair rather than replace kinda guy, but I need to find something that works for both of us. I understand it’s healthy and we both need to take a deep breath and let it go. Neither of us can just hold it in and vent somewhere else; it needs to be shared, understood, accepted and let go. But my chair just won’t forgive and forget. We’ve tried scented candles, oils and sprays, but none of them bring the honeymoon spice we once had.

Can someone lend an experienced hand?

Have you tried anal beads?

I think that your chair needs RGB so it can color your office according to your mood.

fire it, and go back home to your park bench. you'll eventually hire another and you'll start all over.

Yeah it's the one year itch.

You gotta spice things up with her, man.

Tell you what, tomorrow when you come in, just grab her by the back, turn her around and use her that way for the whole day. Just act normal about it like what's up. That's your inner animal. She's gonna be surprised and want to ask what's going on but at the same time she won't because you're a fucking savage and that's a huge turn on.

Dramatization :

that's the best response ever lol

Sent from my telephone using Tap-a-cock

It was alright man, like not a bad attempt. But it was a bit transparent and just didn't have that x-factor.

Maybe started off too in your face you know? Gotta start off normal and reveal it all with a twist at the end, or just drop some hints throughout for savvy readers to pick up on. You can't just force it.

Good luck in the future.

Have you tried the chair from Burn After Reading?