Hey Man,
I fucked up, I admit it from the start, but I am in the same boat.
Before proposing, we had both agreed to have a small wedding, just go to the to courthouse with immediate family, then take them out to supper. The problem is, after I proposed, she said she thinks she would regret not having a bigger wedding (it's 300 people) and wanted one. we talked for weeks on it and finally I said "Do you really want this? it's more likely that someone will regret having a big wedding than having a small one, I really need to know how strongly you feel about this and if you want to do it, then we will do it"
so yes, she wanted to do it. We booked a hall for sept 2018. it came up to 30k. There is a cancellation fee of 10k. She got pregnant, we postponed the wedding to sept 2019.
Early this year, she said the wedding is not important to her anymore, she just wants to be with me, and our kid, her priorities have changed. I contacted the hall to see if we could cancel, giving 6 months notice, but he was adamament on us paying the 10k fee. we figured if a small wedding costs us 5000, then in fact, it will cost us 15k, so we might as well go through with the wedding.
Here is where i fucked up:
She is italian, she said the hall will be covered by the guests. i don't think it will, but she "promised me" and asked me to "trust her". Her entire family told me "nobody saves up for a wedding, everybody relies on the presents" which I find ridiculous, and I feel really stupid for going ahead with it.
At this point, I'm saying to myself "lets just do the damn thing and deal with the consequences after" if i'm in the hole 20k after the wedding, so be it, might as well throw a great party.
I don't think my side of the family will be good with envelopes. I think her side will, but it won't cover the hall. She feels terrible about needing a big wedding.
I hope that this mistake will really kick her butt into gear about "needing things" like a fucking 2000$ LV purse (which is god damn stupid to me) if we get a bill for 20k that we don't have accounted, I will pay my half. I've already saved up money for that.