MonOncTsi
Tech guy
I got this one on a DSM forum. Don't know if it's true, but it sure is fun to read!
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Dayuum Gangsta's *LONG* Part1 of 2 part series. hah
O.K. I may get called out for B.S on this one, yet it's a funny/scary story and maybe someone can relate. Its a 2 part series (too long) & 100% true. (btw- I'm not racist)
A popular late night weekend hangout in Houston is a road called Westheimer, a long 3 lane rd with red lights every 1/4 -1/2 mile.
I had just gotten off of work and was anxious to possibly catch a few races. It was 11 at night and the ricers were in full bloom, mean domestic machines were prowling, and the exotics were strutting. Awesome night! I was in my black, dented 91 Eagle Talon AWD beater car. A pretty nifty sleeper to the naked eye. Mods included an 18G pushing 14 pounds of boost, upgraded intercooler pipes, removed balance shaft bottom end and a 2g exhaust manifold. Not a bad setup for a beater I'm taking ricers left and right, notta one came even 2 car lengths close to taking me and the beater only pulls about 95mph traps on the above setup. A few hours later things died down as the cops were in full force pulling over victims of lead-foot. 'Time to head home'.
I'm 3 lights away from the main highway and I'm needing to get over into the far right lane seeing as how I need to prepare to enter onto the highways feeder road a mile ahead. I flip on the right hand blinker, check my mirrors and calmy begin to scoot into the middle lane. As I'm doing so, huge head lights come storming up from behind trying to prevent me from getting over. "Whats his problem" I'm thinking as I continue my way into the lane and slow down for the light ahead. Sure enough the headlights dart to the right of me as I'm stopping. I look over and see a Lincoln Navigator sitting on some cheesy 20" rims. "Oh crap, their homie dawg's" I say to myself. The driver of the navigator powers his window down and glances at me with his shades halfway down his nose, like grandpa. I have my window down as well and I'd look like a p***y if I were to roll it up so I just sat there, ignoring him, pretending not to notice his evil glance. "Say..Say, Say Daw, why you be cuttN' in front of my Ride"? I pretend not to hear him. "I AXED YOU A QUESTION CRACKA"! O.K. its time to acknowledge him. I look over at the Navigator and notice another black guy with his head out the drivers window. The back window was rolled down as well with a thug looking guy staring at me hard. I could make out another guy in the backseat as well as I could make out the shadow of the panty hose top things that they wear on their head.
"4 of them" I'm thinking, "Crap". The driver asks again, "Why you be cuttN me off" and I say "Look, I did'nt cut you off and if i did, I'm sorry alright, now lets forget about it." This seemed to piss them off as I see 2 sets of gold teeth in the back start going off and the fella closest to the door in the back begins to get out of the car. "Dayuum, what the hell did I say"! Thankfully light goes green as he's doing so and I launch and VAMOOOOSH, off I go.
"CRAAAAAAAAAP" just 2 lights to go till the freeway and this one goes red. I'm all checking in my mirrors and notice the Navigator trying to hustle on up beside me as I'm still in the middle lane. buwahaha, too bad theres a car behind me and to the right of me, so this places them to my right, 1 car back. "Damn, these are long lights" I'm thinking when I begin to hear *ping....ping...TAP* I look behind me and LO & Behold, these damn ghetto arses are throwing pennies and nickles at my car as hard as possible. Ohhh THATS IT! Now my beater is nothing to gawk over, yet I still try to keep it decent looking. How can someone stoop so low as to throw objects at someone elses car at a red light. This about Pisses me off!!
(Warning: I do not condone doing what im about to do in the next paragraph, regardless if their homies
As all this chaos is going on, I remeber I have a broken torque wrench in my backseat. An *evil idea* pops in my head and honestly, I'm not thinking of what the consequences could be.
I wait for the light to go green, it does, I sit there, Navigator starts rolling up slowly beside me, I yell "Damn N*****'s" and proceed with my evil plan of backhand side arming the torque wrench out my passenger window as hard as I could. *BAAAM*, the torque wrench falls to the ground and everything goes into slow motion. "What did I just do" I thought. I'm looking at the Navigator and all I see is one big ass dent , not a measly one, a BIIIIG ONE. My jaw about hits the floor, I see the driver come halfway out of his window, wide eyed, to survey the damage. I was shell shocked I made that big of a dent, I did'nt remotely plan or think it would cause anywhere near that amount of damage. "MOTHA ****A B**** ASS CRACKA"!!! he yells. This is my que to go, I launch needless to say, hustle my way around a few cars, dart out into the far right lane, take a quick right onto the feeder road of the highway, and enter onto the highway entrance ramp doing a good 90mph.
I'm pissing my pants with a smile ear to ear, laughing, "hah, dang Drew, what did you just do" I'm screaming to myself. The feeling of anger, happiness, sadness and a whole mix of others were running threw my head. Did I just do that? I proceed on at a 90 mph pace darting between cars confident I've made my getaway. Or so I thought...... *Jaws music comes in*
Part II tommorow
Dayuum Gangsta's *LONG* part 2 of 2
disclaimer: Must read part 1 if you want to understand whats going on.
So where did I leave off? Crusing at 90 mph in my beater 91 awd thinking I've gotten away right? WRONG.
Here I am smiling from ear to ear half patting myself on the back as well as scolding myself for doing such-a-thing all the while checking each mirror once every half second. My head must of looked like a pinball. I begin to let off the throttle as the beater needs a breather from crusing at a constant 90-95 mph for about 4 miles, mostly boosted. I ease her down to 75 mph and turn on some good ol 'Jim Rome Sports show' as I'm beggining to feel a bit more calm and relaxed. Check the rearview mirror one last time for good measure, "Ahhh everythings going to be just fine" I'm thinking. Soon as I'm about to take my eyes away, there they are, those headlights about 200 yards back, looking about as attractive as a Tammy Faye Baker mug shot. It was one of those moments where you cant explain how you know such things, you just know, well I knew it was them and at that moment a chill shot up my spine knowing full well i had a 35 mile drive, less then a 1/4 tank of gas, a beater car w/ a low front passenger tire and 2:30 A.M.. Yes, I was scared.
I instantly sit up, shut off the radio, slam the car into 4th and got on it. 85....90....95....100...105mph, with each increase in mph equaled another glance in the mirror at a SUV full of 'G money cheeze slices' heading my way, at least I was gaining some distance, but not much.
The car began to vibrate at 110mph and if I have a blow-out , Im history. I ease off at 110 and settle her down at 105 thinking the Navigator definately has to be goverened at around 100 mph. Boy was I wrong, the Nav kept getting closer. "ShiOT" I scream. 'Give it up! Your 15 miles away from where I hit you' I'm thinking to myself. Then images of the DENT re-appear in my mind and the chase becomes clear again.
Nav gains ground over 3 miles and is now 150 yards away. So many thoughts running threw my head, "what if they have guns, if they catch me I'm certainly a goner". My gas guage is getting closer to the dreaded "E" and I fell like im sitting on a cheap hotel vibrating bed my car is rattling so much. I notice a sign wiz by, taunting me, showing my destination 15 miles away. "Mother Effer, please beater hang in there" I plead with the dsm gods. Checking the mirror, Nav 100 yards back now and I can almost make out the brightness of 4 sets of freshly polished gold teeth smiling away.
"Ohhhhhh mama"! I scream, whats this ahead. I squinch my eyes and notice a set of sirens on a car 150-175 yards away. What to do What to do? If I slow down, surely the G Funks will catch up with me and will take away what little momentum & distance I have going and feel remotely safe with, if I keep the same speed I risk trying to persuade some cop that I have some evil villians chasing me. And these villians will most likely be waiting for me 300 yards ahead on the shoulder of the road after being issued my ticket. The Jeopardy chime is going threw my head, 'CHOOSE SOMETHING DREW' which I do, I exit the highway before reaching the cop
Now I'm really in these guys playground, as I just entered the 5th ward, the slums of Houston. 'Good choice Drew, your one smart cookie' I'm thinking to myself as I near a red light on the feeder. Right then and there a plan hits me as I map out the situation. To the right of the light theres a grass median. Whats the plan you ask, well, I'll take a right at the light, gun it to the "U-turn" area in the median 100 ft away w/o giving giving them a clue that I'm actually going to make a U turn, and when the Nav turns right at the light, I'll just make that quick U-turn and sprint the opposite direction and take a quick left at the same light and haul arse back up onto the highway entrance ramp giving me a good 1/4 mile or so of distance between me and the Brotha's. Good Plan, I know... thankyou .. thankyou
So putting the plan into action I make a right at the light and dash to the U turn area and let off the throttle, waiting for the Nav to make their move, sure enough, it comes screeching around the corner. "BALL GAME IS OVER SUCKERS!" as I set it up perfectly and hooked a quick U-turn. I then proceeded to gun it toward the light heading the oppositte way of the Navigator. 'Brilliant, just absolutely brilliant' I'm thinking, 'Damnit O damnit' I then begin to think as I see 20" wheels hopping over the curb of the median. The Nav 25 yards ahead of me tearing threw the median and me gunning it full throttle heading straight their way. "OHH CRAP, they are going to side-swipe me" I yell. I give it all she's got thinking its better than stopping, Just like out of a movie, I jet ahead as a big SUV tumbles over the median from my left. I'm clinching my teeth together so tight I cant breath, then things, again, went into slow motion. (What is it with me and slow motion)? Will the Nav side swipe me? Will Drew avoid a collision and be able to make his left and entrance onto the highway? Find out at another drew time at the same drew channel because I'm tired and dont feel like typing anymore..
Thats it, theres a part 3 to this pile. I'm goin to bed.
--------------------------------------------
Dayuum Gangsta's *LONG* Part1 of 2 part series. hah
O.K. I may get called out for B.S on this one, yet it's a funny/scary story and maybe someone can relate. Its a 2 part series (too long) & 100% true. (btw- I'm not racist)
A popular late night weekend hangout in Houston is a road called Westheimer, a long 3 lane rd with red lights every 1/4 -1/2 mile.
I had just gotten off of work and was anxious to possibly catch a few races. It was 11 at night and the ricers were in full bloom, mean domestic machines were prowling, and the exotics were strutting. Awesome night! I was in my black, dented 91 Eagle Talon AWD beater car. A pretty nifty sleeper to the naked eye. Mods included an 18G pushing 14 pounds of boost, upgraded intercooler pipes, removed balance shaft bottom end and a 2g exhaust manifold. Not a bad setup for a beater I'm taking ricers left and right, notta one came even 2 car lengths close to taking me and the beater only pulls about 95mph traps on the above setup. A few hours later things died down as the cops were in full force pulling over victims of lead-foot. 'Time to head home'.
I'm 3 lights away from the main highway and I'm needing to get over into the far right lane seeing as how I need to prepare to enter onto the highways feeder road a mile ahead. I flip on the right hand blinker, check my mirrors and calmy begin to scoot into the middle lane. As I'm doing so, huge head lights come storming up from behind trying to prevent me from getting over. "Whats his problem" I'm thinking as I continue my way into the lane and slow down for the light ahead. Sure enough the headlights dart to the right of me as I'm stopping. I look over and see a Lincoln Navigator sitting on some cheesy 20" rims. "Oh crap, their homie dawg's" I say to myself. The driver of the navigator powers his window down and glances at me with his shades halfway down his nose, like grandpa. I have my window down as well and I'd look like a p***y if I were to roll it up so I just sat there, ignoring him, pretending not to notice his evil glance. "Say..Say, Say Daw, why you be cuttN' in front of my Ride"? I pretend not to hear him. "I AXED YOU A QUESTION CRACKA"! O.K. its time to acknowledge him. I look over at the Navigator and notice another black guy with his head out the drivers window. The back window was rolled down as well with a thug looking guy staring at me hard. I could make out another guy in the backseat as well as I could make out the shadow of the panty hose top things that they wear on their head.
"4 of them" I'm thinking, "Crap". The driver asks again, "Why you be cuttN me off" and I say "Look, I did'nt cut you off and if i did, I'm sorry alright, now lets forget about it." This seemed to piss them off as I see 2 sets of gold teeth in the back start going off and the fella closest to the door in the back begins to get out of the car. "Dayuum, what the hell did I say"! Thankfully light goes green as he's doing so and I launch and VAMOOOOSH, off I go.
"CRAAAAAAAAAP" just 2 lights to go till the freeway and this one goes red. I'm all checking in my mirrors and notice the Navigator trying to hustle on up beside me as I'm still in the middle lane. buwahaha, too bad theres a car behind me and to the right of me, so this places them to my right, 1 car back. "Damn, these are long lights" I'm thinking when I begin to hear *ping....ping...TAP* I look behind me and LO & Behold, these damn ghetto arses are throwing pennies and nickles at my car as hard as possible. Ohhh THATS IT! Now my beater is nothing to gawk over, yet I still try to keep it decent looking. How can someone stoop so low as to throw objects at someone elses car at a red light. This about Pisses me off!!
(Warning: I do not condone doing what im about to do in the next paragraph, regardless if their homies
As all this chaos is going on, I remeber I have a broken torque wrench in my backseat. An *evil idea* pops in my head and honestly, I'm not thinking of what the consequences could be. I wait for the light to go green, it does, I sit there, Navigator starts rolling up slowly beside me, I yell "Damn N*****'s" and proceed with my evil plan of backhand side arming the torque wrench out my passenger window as hard as I could. *BAAAM*, the torque wrench falls to the ground and everything goes into slow motion. "What did I just do" I thought. I'm looking at the Navigator and all I see is one big ass dent , not a measly one, a BIIIIG ONE. My jaw about hits the floor, I see the driver come halfway out of his window, wide eyed, to survey the damage. I was shell shocked I made that big of a dent, I did'nt remotely plan or think it would cause anywhere near that amount of damage. "MOTHA ****A B**** ASS CRACKA"!!! he yells. This is my que to go, I launch needless to say, hustle my way around a few cars, dart out into the far right lane, take a quick right onto the feeder road of the highway, and enter onto the highway entrance ramp doing a good 90mph.
I'm pissing my pants with a smile ear to ear, laughing, "hah, dang Drew, what did you just do" I'm screaming to myself. The feeling of anger, happiness, sadness and a whole mix of others were running threw my head. Did I just do that? I proceed on at a 90 mph pace darting between cars confident I've made my getaway. Or so I thought...... *Jaws music comes in*
Part II tommorow
Dayuum Gangsta's *LONG* part 2 of 2
disclaimer: Must read part 1 if you want to understand whats going on.
So where did I leave off? Crusing at 90 mph in my beater 91 awd thinking I've gotten away right? WRONG.
Here I am smiling from ear to ear half patting myself on the back as well as scolding myself for doing such-a-thing all the while checking each mirror once every half second. My head must of looked like a pinball. I begin to let off the throttle as the beater needs a breather from crusing at a constant 90-95 mph for about 4 miles, mostly boosted. I ease her down to 75 mph and turn on some good ol 'Jim Rome Sports show' as I'm beggining to feel a bit more calm and relaxed. Check the rearview mirror one last time for good measure, "Ahhh everythings going to be just fine" I'm thinking. Soon as I'm about to take my eyes away, there they are, those headlights about 200 yards back, looking about as attractive as a Tammy Faye Baker mug shot. It was one of those moments where you cant explain how you know such things, you just know, well I knew it was them and at that moment a chill shot up my spine knowing full well i had a 35 mile drive, less then a 1/4 tank of gas, a beater car w/ a low front passenger tire and 2:30 A.M.. Yes, I was scared.
I instantly sit up, shut off the radio, slam the car into 4th and got on it. 85....90....95....100...105mph, with each increase in mph equaled another glance in the mirror at a SUV full of 'G money cheeze slices' heading my way, at least I was gaining some distance, but not much.
The car began to vibrate at 110mph and if I have a blow-out , Im history. I ease off at 110 and settle her down at 105 thinking the Navigator definately has to be goverened at around 100 mph. Boy was I wrong, the Nav kept getting closer. "ShiOT" I scream. 'Give it up! Your 15 miles away from where I hit you' I'm thinking to myself. Then images of the DENT re-appear in my mind and the chase becomes clear again.
Nav gains ground over 3 miles and is now 150 yards away. So many thoughts running threw my head, "what if they have guns, if they catch me I'm certainly a goner". My gas guage is getting closer to the dreaded "E" and I fell like im sitting on a cheap hotel vibrating bed my car is rattling so much. I notice a sign wiz by, taunting me, showing my destination 15 miles away. "Mother Effer, please beater hang in there" I plead with the dsm gods. Checking the mirror, Nav 100 yards back now and I can almost make out the brightness of 4 sets of freshly polished gold teeth smiling away.
"Ohhhhhh mama"! I scream, whats this ahead. I squinch my eyes and notice a set of sirens on a car 150-175 yards away. What to do What to do? If I slow down, surely the G Funks will catch up with me and will take away what little momentum & distance I have going and feel remotely safe with, if I keep the same speed I risk trying to persuade some cop that I have some evil villians chasing me. And these villians will most likely be waiting for me 300 yards ahead on the shoulder of the road after being issued my ticket. The Jeopardy chime is going threw my head, 'CHOOSE SOMETHING DREW' which I do, I exit the highway before reaching the cop
Now I'm really in these guys playground, as I just entered the 5th ward, the slums of Houston. 'Good choice Drew, your one smart cookie' I'm thinking to myself as I near a red light on the feeder. Right then and there a plan hits me as I map out the situation. To the right of the light theres a grass median. Whats the plan you ask, well, I'll take a right at the light, gun it to the "U-turn" area in the median 100 ft away w/o giving giving them a clue that I'm actually going to make a U turn, and when the Nav turns right at the light, I'll just make that quick U-turn and sprint the opposite direction and take a quick left at the same light and haul arse back up onto the highway entrance ramp giving me a good 1/4 mile or so of distance between me and the Brotha's. Good Plan, I know... thankyou .. thankyou
So putting the plan into action I make a right at the light and dash to the U turn area and let off the throttle, waiting for the Nav to make their move, sure enough, it comes screeching around the corner. "BALL GAME IS OVER SUCKERS!" as I set it up perfectly and hooked a quick U-turn. I then proceeded to gun it toward the light heading the oppositte way of the Navigator. 'Brilliant, just absolutely brilliant' I'm thinking, 'Damnit O damnit' I then begin to think as I see 20" wheels hopping over the curb of the median. The Nav 25 yards ahead of me tearing threw the median and me gunning it full throttle heading straight their way. "OHH CRAP, they are going to side-swipe me" I yell. I give it all she's got thinking its better than stopping, Just like out of a movie, I jet ahead as a big SUV tumbles over the median from my left. I'm clinching my teeth together so tight I cant breath, then things, again, went into slow motion. (What is it with me and slow motion)? Will the Nav side swipe me? Will Drew avoid a collision and be able to make his left and entrance onto the highway? Find out at another drew time at the same drew channel because I'm tired and dont feel like typing anymore..
Thats it, theres a part 3 to this pile. I'm goin to bed.
